Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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