i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
