We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
