Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
