Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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