A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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