Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize