it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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