Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
