No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
