We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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