please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
