The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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