I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
