Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
