Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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