I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
