I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
