A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
