So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
