i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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