That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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