WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
