dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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