I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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