You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
