Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
