i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
