just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize