Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
