He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
