can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
