Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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