I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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