he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You made out with two different species that night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
