Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We need a shit load of segways right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
