i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
