I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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