You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I could fuck to npr.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
