The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
