I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
