Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
