Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
