worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
