My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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