I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
