i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
