Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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