Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
