i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
