Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
