Please, let me fuck your mom
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
