dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
