she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
