just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
