everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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