great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
