she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
