Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
