i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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