another moral hangover. fuck.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
