the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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