don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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